Minutes of the first COCKING CONVENTION

Date

October(ish) on a blooming Thursday night would you believe it - sorry Sara!

Venue

Fanny Adams in Shipley. Meeting convened at 20:30 with a pint (Timothy Taylors) all round and a bottle of rum.

In attendance

Wrigglesworth Tordoff (WT)
Il Cocko Grande (ICG)
JungleJinge (JJ and her agenda)
Ian B (IB)
That Sean bloke (TSB)
Scott of t'Antarctic (SOTA)
Saucy Viky (SV)

Welcome and Introductions

WT: hello

Everyone else: hello. Whose round is it?

Item 1: Points of order

When is a cock not a cock? (JJ and her agenda) Er..... why? (WT)

What are the origins of cocking? (JJ and her agenda) Well.... is it time for another beer yet? (WT).

Are you really called Wrigglesworth Tordoff? (JJ and her agenda) Bleeding cheeky get - of course I am how dare you suggest I made it up and that I'm actually called something else completely different. Bloody check (WT)

You haven't answered my questions and they're on the bloody agenda. (JJ and her agenda)

At which point SV and JJ took her agenda out for a smoke and SOTA complained that it was all a bit too well organised to be credible for his liking......

Item 2: New cocking categories

This isn't on the bloody agenda - you lot aren't taking this at all seriously I fear. (JJ and her agenda).

I want cock birth marriages and deaths even if it might be offensive and upsetting in some circumstances. (ICG)

Rightho then (everyone else)

What about cock grafitti? (SV)

What about another beer? (IB)

What about counterfeit cock? (SOTA) We could doctor things not called cock to look like cock and keep ourselves amused even when there is no cock about.

I want to just do Pure Cock from now on (ICG) - just things properly called cock - not just any old cock. Off you go on then you old purist you was the response.

Basically all the above were half heartedly carried as motions or something official sounding. They'll probably all appear at some point in the far distance future.

JJ and her agenda proposed a new category called international cock which everyone ignored as a thinly veiled attempt to get us to do something on her agenda and to have a category almost entirely to herself as chief proponent of cock globe trotting.

Item 3 Statement of accounts

WT complained most coarsely, using bad language and everything, that ICG still hadn't paid him back his £3.50 that he owned him from forking out for the cock memory stick that remains the one and only direct expenditure to date related to this great sporting activity we have invented.

More beer appeared at this point which was nice.............

Item 4 Voting for Cock of the Year

WT outlined the process to be used; each attendee having the right to do some votes on stuff that was cock of the month. Voting took a while and the result will be announced shortly on cock of the month pages. IB is still giggling about it. The winner got 16 votes altogether which still doesn't make sense, but I have the paperwork to prove it!

Item 5 Presentation

All the cocking colleagues gave WT a lovely card with a cock on it and a bottle of Cockspur Rum to mark this first cocking convention - however JJ, in a fit of pique at having her carefully crafted agenda entirely ignored throughout the evening, took back said rum for her own consumption later.

On which happy note, the first cocking convention came to a close as WT, SOTA, TSB and ICG wandered off to get a bus to the back of beyond which ended up as a taxi and kebab. The kebab repeated on me something terrible for several days afterwards.

Maybe it would be better if someone produced an agenda for the next convention.

Wrigglesworth Tordoff, minute taker and Cockmaster General.
2o January 2009